i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
