I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize