You made me cry and you don't even care
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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