Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
