Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
