Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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