Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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