I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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