Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We're facebook friends in real life
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
