If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize