Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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