My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
