Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
