I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
