you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
