He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
