ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
