Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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