We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
