WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
