I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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