How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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