We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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