Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
