I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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