Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize