he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
