I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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