I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
