someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
