I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
