Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
