Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
