He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
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You. Win. At. Life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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