Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
