Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
