She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
