i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
