I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
