Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
