I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
