Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize