I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
