This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
