Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
