i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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