k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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