saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
