420 ftw
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
