Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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