I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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