At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
