I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
