It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
