he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
