What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize