Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
