OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
