i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
