My friends, they love my intelligence
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
