he wants to bone in the snuggie
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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