yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
