I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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