piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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