I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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