If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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