I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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