I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
my liver is dry heaving
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
