can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
