just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
