hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
