First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
