omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
