Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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