I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize