just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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