Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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