tell your sister to shave her snatch
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
