I accidentally burped into my bong.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
