Got a toothbrush?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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