Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
