you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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