redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
