She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
