We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How's work?
Spinning.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
