how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
