i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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