note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
