We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
