If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
