Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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