We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
