Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We named our party play list daddy issues
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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