you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
