Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
