I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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