Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Green mimosas i think yes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
