He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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